Today something very good happened to me. I found out about miniature donkeys. Miniature donkeys, apparently, are the actual cutest thing on earth. They look just like regular donkeys but teeny tiny, and we all know that the optimal size for cuteness is “can fit in my purse”. I’m thinking we all need mini donkeys as pets by 2016. Other than being stupidly adorable (like the kind of adorable you want to eat), here are some facts about the mini donkey:
- They were (thankfully) bought to the US in the ’20s.
- Males are called “Jacks” and females are called “Jennets”. Why there isn’t a John Mellencamp song about this I’ll never know.
- They weigh 15lbs at birth, which sounds like purse size to me.
- They only grow to about 35 inches tall. What did I JUST say about PURSE SIZE.
- They have very good memories, which is why they are stubborn, because they NEVER FORGET.
- The world’s smallest donkey is just 25.29 inches tall, and his name is KneeHi. KNEEHI. Are you dead yet?
I mean, I’m sold. All I want is a pet mini donkey now. Meanwhile, I hope the government is working very hard on developing some kind of shrink ray, because we need to make all potential pets much, much smaller immediately, in order to truly optimize cuteness (or at least portability, so you can BE TOGETHER ALWAYS). Meanwhile, here are a bunch of other reasons why we must all stop what we’re doing and seek out a mini-donkey to adopt like, yesterday: